He is making an embarrassing fool out of himself at work not behaving suitable at all. Not understanding he is over the limit nicknaming female employers at other offices, calling them too frequent and chat in length so people at the office react and comment. Being married to someone others consider flirtatious and hitting on females is very humiliating and definitely unacceptable.

Hängpatte believes it's "French" but it has no charm. Being his wife people pity me for his bachelor behaviour and I am deeply ashamed. Watching him dress up for work in Lagerfeld, Versace … getting in character feels wrong. There is a distinct difference between a private sphere and work that he totally blur with absurd consequences. He believes he at ease and liked by "being himself". instead he is ridiculed behind his back. Telling me that he is repeating his jokes at home at work, his comments dragged and duplicated to everyone's amusement, joy and laughter (in his opinion) becomes awkward and weird to me. Hängpatte thinks he can ease people around him by behaving as he has a bunch of teenage friends around him. He confuses private life with work life but then he has never worked for long in an unfamiliar environment always in the family business, or in/around his birth town.

At home Hängpatte is inconsiderate, cold, moody, demeaning and rude. SUPEREGO. He has always put himself first in our relation and never understood my perspective as a Swede and sole mother of two coming to France. No empathy or loyalty. I helped him getting emotionally independent of his Imbecile bro and Lucifer mother but today I'm not allowed to communicate with him if I'm not accurate in his opinion and he ignores me if I talk in metaphors or question something he finds uninteresting. Wonder how the people he is in contact with at the office or his friends would react to that demand?! For instance last time we saw a movie he wanted to know my opinion ONLY if I was accurate about it?! I have a degree in FILM at University and have written dozens of reviews and analyses with the highest degree…

These days close to Christmas Hängpatte is alone at his office so I know by experience he is emailing around his private contacts and calling his friends complaining about me "breaking his balls" (of course in his friends view I'm the bad one and I've never met a huger BLOTTING PAPER ever than Hängpatte for what friends do or think about him or what he reads on the net or books) and when I tomorrow morning would have needed a lift to hospital for my knee operation (we have some snow so it's freezing in the mornings and icy, the clinic is forty minutes away by foot…) of course he doesn't give a damn. He is "working" though he easily could have taken hours off which he ought to have done when I went for my first visit seeing the doc.  (The surgeon and nurses were taken aback finding out how he could let me totally lost in such situation.) Hängpatte has never wanted to speak French with me, mocks my attempts or when I wanted to seek double citizenship didn't give me any support at all - only cynicism and sarcastic comments. Seeing a French surgeon before an operation and not talking the same language isn't evident.

Yesterday Hängpatte yelled that our relation is "cooked" & "over-cooked" and he doesn't care about it at all (Has he ever?) + the standard "FUCK YOU" he proudly delivers by each disagreement.  Even in the beginning the relation had to be uncomplicated and work on its own. Seriously?

Still Hängpatte is showing no remorse for lying and cheating, not keeping the promises he gave persuading me to take him back, giving him a second chance. Lately he proudly told me nothing in France belongs to me if he dies his brother and mother will inherit. No surprise I never believed him when he said "the boathouse" we are  renovating would be mine and a new place in totally my design for us to get a new start in. Well, "totally my design"… he let "Santa" put a see through BALCONY door (I wanted a NOT see through to keep it feng shui) as a FRONT DOOR!!! And ignored me when I immediately remarked about it and wanted an exchange. The glass in the bathroom for the shower was put upside down. The secret drawers I wanted were put VISIBLE as drawers in the staircase to the 2nd level… The cords "Santa" put for the electricity weren't standard measure  so the stove for instance has never worked nor the spots downstairs. Lately Hängpatte found out that the black toilette chair is leaking so the bathroom floor has to be broken up… Never ending story.

My kids and myself have always been criticized and dissected. Not good enough or with huge faults and flaws. Never pleasing him. Never appreciated. Things the kids did spontaneously were questioned as manipulation or lies at an age from 10 and above! Doing something for our "family" unit has always been a struggle and Hängpatte has never spared us telling that when he does something it is an effort and costly for him personally. He has sadly never got attached nor engaged in my children, never helped by natural good will or from the heart. He has helped financially with my daughter's knee and my son's rent but boy, does he carve it into our skin and  I can't pity him not buying another Napapijri sweater or Lagerfeld belt… Taking massage at Hilton's Buddha Spa…
Yes,he comes from a "cold & manipulating" family but we were open, friendly and I was the one earning money when we met! I just had my study loan from University no other debts. Today I'm overwhelmed and facing my lowest income ever. Since he inherited Arlette (whom I and my muse call the Saint/Goddess of/for knees) all the wishes "if I /we ever had money" dissolved in thin air: no travels, no erasing my debts (though some last minute aids when the sms-loans I'm forced to take overwhelms), no help getting rid of the flat in Sweden…
Instead investments on a blocked account for his own safety and uneven secret "operations" on his own in the name of "the boathouse" or not explained as it's HIS money and NONE of my business. He doesn't have to state it. Believe me I know that everything in France belongs to him and NOTHING is mine and that it is HIS money. I have never ever doubted it. It was as clear from the beginning as it is now in the end. It's HIS, HIS, HIS but living like this for over eleven years also makes one not deeply involved in maintenance of HIS garden, HIS kitchen… I have been a long term visitor, me and my kids have tiptoed around his will, whims and rules (logical or weird don't matter; we don't do the dishes clean enough, don't put the radiators up, do laundry after 8 pm, being checked on what we eat or don't eat, no dust, the living room is a "dead room" not seen to be lived in, everything has its place, don't use warm water or too much water).
I have frequently got the question when I will write a book about living in France. My answer is I will never write a book about France because I don't know France I have a glimpse of a "relationship" with a by accident French person that's all. Actually nothing French about it.

Still I have my muse here now to support me over the operation and Christmas. I get hugs, compliments and laughter and can ignore my urine drinking (his own for breakfast to boost his immune system...) husband who smells like my mothers old handlotion (free samples from the Buddha Spa?) and isn't able to care, comfort and have feelings for me. It's a sad development but I can't carry his insults and EGO anylonger. I have reached my limit.

"Forget all the negative comments people give you. Cherish the compliments."

-You bet I've tried to live by that quote!

PS. Iam grateful for every SEK helping my kids but not when the help has a victim tag on it.ds