A good blow job and French

If a French friend tells you to give your husband a good blow job to get money and calls herself a feminist. Is it about being French, culture, character or what?
Just the mere thought is disgusting and below my standards & dignity. Perhaps it was a cynical bad joke? French humour? Or another proof I'm not French enough after 16 years...

1. "Avoir le cafard”
The French have a funny way of showing sympathy. The phrase literally translates to – have the cockroach. And all we wanted to imply was to- be down in the dumps or have the blues!
2. “Casser les oreilles”
Breaking the ears is what it literally means. We use this commonly with reference to loud or harsh noise, bad singers or a nagging people. To make the picture clearer we mean highly irritating.
3. “C’est la fin des haricots”
When translated this simply means, the end of the beans. Yes, you guessed correctly. We do want to say the last straw in English or that’s the end of it. Don’t judge us, we take our love for beans very seriously!
4. “Donner sa langue au chat”
This means to give your tongue to the cat although we mean to give up guessing an answer. Honestly, don’t give your tongue to the cat to understand the logic behind this one. 😉
5. “Boire comme un trou”
This phrase means to drink like a hole and is supposed to mean to drink a lot, like a bottomless well. We, the French probably were drinking like a hole when we came up with the phrase.
6. “Devenir chêvre”
On a serious note, this stands for to become a goat. However, in plain English we mean to be driven mad and this phrase is said to have derived inspiration from goats and their short fuse.
7. “Les carottes sont cuites”
It literally means the carrots are cooked, but we say run simply because the speaker means that the outcome of the situation cannot be changed!
8. “Arrête ton char!”
You could feel really royal if you took this one for its literal meaning which is to stop your chariots. However, you are basically being told to stop bluffing. Nothing royal about that one. 😉
9. “Poser un lapin”
Someone was probably looking at a rabbit hole to escape when this phrase was thought of. Literal translation gives you to leave a rabbit, while actually meaning to stand someone up.
10. “Zut alors!”
Surprisingly, this phrase has no literal translation. Why then did we bring this up? Because the phrase means holy smokes or darn! What better way to conclude the list than with a darn!

Source: http://frenchdistrict.com/new-york-english/french-translations-english-funny-phrases-idioms-weird-meaning

Another rude Frenchie - the Skunk

Today there's one of H's acquaintances
on the premises
without me being informed.

H has over the years 
paid this man
for fixing little this and that's
 which only works for some months 
or not at all...

This, shall we name him Skunk?,
as he pollutes everything he touches with a mess afterwards
that of course H has to get resolved 
and does by hiring the Skunk again paying him a second time...

This Skunk laid the wooden floor upstairs... In the wrong direction...
He didn't turn the screws in the wooden fence correctly so it nearly fell apart after a fortnight.

The Skunk was supposed to install the heated floor. Claimed it was all done. Guess what! 
The system didn't work for half a year 
and had to have experts!

The Skunk put the glass for the shower upside down 
in the Boathouse. 
The sliding wooden toiletdoor
got stuck after some weeks
and still is as it's too heavy 
for the attachment hatches. 

The Skunk deliberately
 blocked the view the entire summer of 2013
with a cement blender, 
cement, huge heaps of sand and gravel etc.
Starting the work -
to make a boardwalk/kind of boatdeck 
around the Boathouse in May 
not finishing it until Mid-August! 
Refusing to schedule his appearances 
not returning our home keys 
during his long breaks. 
Yelling at me during my working hours. 
Wanted the doorkeys for the Boathouse 
though I always left the door open 
when I was working in the old chalet
which I told him in French.
The Skunk rudely screamed at me
I didn't budge
giving up 
swearingly in anger 
the Skunk
went to the Boathouse 
and forcefully turned down the handle
And the door swung wide open...

when my 22 year old daughter 
was around 
the Skunk came down on his MC 
 only dressed in Speedos 
for no specific reason.

I wonder what ruin/s the Skunk 
causes this time. 

No water!

How low can you sink?

H cut off the water
 to the Boathouse. 
There has been a leak 
in the old chalet for a while. 
A week ago H changed a filter 
in the technical room 
by the Boathouse 
and I discovered a SMALL leakage 
this weekend. 
So no way to:
Wash myself
Clean/brush my teeth
Boil tea water
Cook in water
Do the dishes
Flush the toilet!!

Of course H puts on the water 
in the old house 
some minutes
so that he can do the stuff above 
when it pleases him. 

(As I take the bus
twice a week
for my aquabiking 
in Evian. 
The showers twice a werk
at the Hilton Buddha-Bar Spa
have to do
from now on,
I guess...)

After visiting the library yesterday
H told me 
he had offered to help 
the vet and his partner the Pharmacist, who are refurbishing 
her/their Pharmacy in town, 
carrying furniture and shelves 
for at least three hours 
Saturday the 25th. 
This couple 
has never ever done anything for H 
but been very rude to "us" 
by three times!!! "forgetting"
 they were invited to dine at our place.
The female is a dimwit 
in a real offensive way socially
towards me. 

For example: 
Once a female 
visiting the same party 
complimented me about my "collants" and asked 
if it was Chantal Thomass? 

[Which it definitely was.] 

The dimwit overheard it 
and before I could answer 
Of course NOT 
she is from Sweden... 
Hint, hint. 

Like Swedes don't have style! (Something admittedly,
 the dimwit
is in total lack of 
personally and socially -
despite being a real teetotaller. Urgh!) 
This pair of Frenchies
has never been friendly towards me. 
They are also ignorant of any language beside French 
and anything beside the French. 

Last time H helped them out 
at the start of their renovation 
his sore back was killing him 
for a fortnight. 
Who had to see him wrecked?
Who had to hear him doom the world?
Who got all the negative shit?
Yours truly. 

I do pity H for his pains
that his body is giving in at 56.
Still when he deliberately 
makes them worse 
it becomes ridiculous to 
try to comfort 
ignite some optimism

(unavoidable for me 
to ignore
H's agony though
as I instinctly always symphasize 
with the underdog...
I consist as
 an illogical complex mess.)
But to punish me 
by cutting the water supply 
to the Boathouse...

This last year 
I have had to carry anything,
everything even slightly heavy 
on my own
 due to H complaining about
 his back problems.
So yesterday there he was 
telling me that
he freely offered his services 
moving HEAVY stuff 
on my only free day 
(while H is free 
both Saturday and Sunday)
without even consulting me
and this 
having agreed on us 
making a REAL effort 
this October month 
to be nice and enjoying 
each others company, 
(for two weeks 
we have slept together
 in the Boathouse 
and been watching 
Dexter, Modern Family... 
At times H has even prepared 
a nice salad or spicey hot soup 
that I love.
I have experienced
 some effortless nice time
thought H did too.)
I was hurt.

As there lies 
a heavy retrograde in Mercury,
 October 4-24th, 
which makes communication tough especially for Gemini and Virgo 
who share Mercury 
as their home planet,
I tried to acknowledge it 
by enlightenment 
before the occurrence. 

I still have real pain in my left breast 
where the cyst is 
the discomfort
 awakens me several times at night
I avoid unnecessary tantrums 
but being back in the disrespectful  "taken for granted"-void 
I definitely prefer my own company. 
I'm a wreckage
over-sensitive and fighting to find zen
Thank God for the aquabiking
my escape!

Last weekend when I asked 
if we could go
to the annual farmers market in Bernex.
 H refused giving me a yes or no
claimed with his nonchalance
he probably would  
read in the sun...
This way of making it impossible 
for me to look forward or planning
something nice on my day off
twice or three times a year
is pure egotistical meaness. 
I usually end up logged in on the line,
working anyhow. 

It's been over two months 
since I saw my son 
though he is only two valleys away 
and on Tuesday 
it is his birthday. 
The transportation system in France 
is a disaster. 
Everyone is supposed 
to have a driver's licence and car.  Legally BeePee is half mine 
but as I don't have a driving licence...
H is using 
this power of keeping me blocked 
at the property at his whim 
while coming and going 
as he pleases on his own 
with the car. 
(Some years ago H promised to fix up his stoneage bike for me.
As so many other promises 
it landed in nothingness.)
We have during these 14 years
rarely gone anywhere at my wish.
Any suggestion from me
has met a 
non negotiable distinct:
raw laughter or total ignoration. 

though H didn't want to go 
we actually went to Bernex
 last Sunday. 
A 30 minute ride by car. 

Humour á la Haute-Savoie.
No pizza for me.
Local cheese, bread and white wine
make up my yearly day in Bernex.

Someone fell in love 
with this year's Queen - the cow.

If you read IT by S. King
you don't like the orange-haired fellow.

Afterwards H even agreed 
that it had been

Brigitte Bardot in Provence


French pics & "friends"

Window at the tourist.

We had fondue at some very sweet and simple friends of Hängpatte's that he hadn' seen since his teenage years. I liked them a lot although H had to destroy the friendly atmosphere by rude remarks about me helping out and proudly bragging about being late collecting me at the airport (some times up to two hours!!). I could see the couple, who has stuck together since their teens, discomfort.

More from their home.
They were the nicest of H's friends so far AND they understood and spoke English BETTER than the others (among them a vet - zero knowledge, a painter - quoi?, a dentist very mediocre, and "Snake" a teacher embarrasingly low level... How infantile snobbish these people have been these ten years only speaking French!) and the guy, whom H played rugby with before,  works in a factory - his wife takes care of eldery people...

Their home was a mix so far from minimalistic me BUT there was love and it was cosy in an unpretentious way.

I seem to have thing for "the thinker" outside the tourist...

Chocolate stores for Totte...

On Grand rue. A lot of different tastes of chocolate but a bit tpp sweetened.

French decoration of "vitrines"/windows of stores...

What were they thinking?!

My muse and I visited a lounge in Evian. Loved this interior combination.

Missing my "kids"...


French "friends"...
A very tough lesson for me to learn. This way of betraying oneanother, being disloyal.
◦    "Snake" is a good example. This sulking bitter middle-aged man  (who once wished he was the "Lizard King" - Jim Morrison in the Doors)  always complaining has a power over Hängpatte that is devastating. After seeing "Snake" more or less daily these last months Hängpatte behaves like an obstinate toddler.  He is rude, moody and uncomprahenceable. Becoming more and more evil and spiteful after each rendez-vous.
Janus, the twofaced Greek God.
◦    "Snake" is a 52 year old teacher. He believes that the kids of the last generations are born soulless. Not surprisingly he has been suspended for hitting pupils and he, as the majority of the French population it seems, walks around on "happy pills".
"Snake" is awaiting doomsday oozing negativity and condemnation. Hängpatte sucks it all in like a brainless pupil. I become the enemy and the one he can mistreat. My belief in love is a laugh. As I'm a woman and from a foreign country (whom he didn't help: - to settle in France  - to stand by when his ex's called and hanged up when I answered the phone and it went on for years! -  when Lucifer and his brother Imbecile were mean and spread lies about me -when I tried to get a French citizenship - to get rid off my expensive flat in Sweden that still eats up my salary...).
◦    Back to "Snake",  he has Mediterranean ancestors and had as commonly there a very strong bond to his late mother who also gave  a little love and care to Hängpatte. (Lucifer, his own mother, is a cold piece of skinny meat.) "Snake" blames Hängpatte, though,  for not being grateful enough and visiting his mother at hospital more than he did before she returned to her home country some years ago. He can't bury and forget. He blames hängpatte and nurtures a huge grudge in silence.
◦    Today when "Snake" snaps his fingers my husband obeys as a faithful little cadet. He might comment "Snake" as being tedious by describing in detail his last weekly run... but he listens to his commands and he is ON time. If he doesn't give "Snake" attention he may be ignored for years. "Snake"'s ex didn't like Hängpatte's lack of  loyalty so she advised "Snake" to not stay in touch with him which he didn't during seven years until last year after his ex by accident fell down a mountain and died.  "Snake" and Hängpatte have tied up tightly again like two "old farts"/faggots spreading acid but acclaiming themselves.
◦    Their motto could be "grumpiness as a right". They trash and blame all brainy females for their own shortcomings. Their dream is a nearly underaged bimbo who will give them oral sex constantly at their whim and who, at the same time, is a housewife that cleans, cooks and most of all: SHUTS UP.
◦    The irony and what I can't stand nor understand is what "Snake" is  telling me about their relation and about Hängpatte as a person. He says  that Hängpatte is barely "an acquaintance" not a friend. He finds him a coward which he states that everyone in town knows he is... He also claims that Hängpatte has "kinky" taste in sex??? , (without being explicit),  that he is "vide" empty inside and that I am naive hoping for any kind of recognition or loyalty... I might just be a female but I don't get it - why then mingle at all???
◦    I'm astonished and can't grasp this coming from someone who has known Hängpatte for about 40 years! They grew up together, went to University... Of course "Snake" has a right to his opinion but how can he then call nearly each day, urging to meet, to go hiking, running, taking coffee etc etc several times a week???  And then stating  he is merely an "acquaintance"?!
◦    Hängpatte is nowadays more married to "Snake" than me. My mere existence annoys him and having my muse visiting seems to infuriate him. He doesn't watch me the few times we talk, if I ask anything he either ignores my question or ridicules it or me. Whatever I do - from hanging my coat on a hanger to my choice of shoes, to what I eat or how I place a book - is wrong and angers him. If we go anywhere he is 10 steps ahead and showing no connection to me whatsoever, waiting for my muse at the airport he drove me in silence (45 minutes), then disappeared for half an hour and appeared while we waited by the parked car, he doesn't introduce me to friends he meets... And believe me  I have done absolutely nothing to deserve this bad treatment.
◦    Back to "Snake" and this French friends issue. Honestly, I would NEVER EVER (I know the strategy to win is to keep your enemies close but still... is it really "winning"?) waste time on insincere friends. I am all or nothing. I love and respect my friends with their fantastic flows & flaws, personalities and uniquenesses. I would never betray them or grade them. Nor mingle with those who belittled me, who spread negative and pessimistic views... I find such contacts poisonous and meaningless. So I avoid them. Life is too short to waste on shallow crap.
◦    Warmth, compassion, love, good vibes and laughter.
Lightness and care are essential necessities in real FRIENDSHIP.
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